Snow (sweptawaybayou) wrote,
Snow
sweptawaybayou

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Romance = Romantic?

The other day at work, a friend and ex-bf of mine and I were talking about my oldest daughter's recent vacation to Maui. And he was expressing his dismay at my daughter's boyfriend's choice to not propose to her - because Maui is simply (in his words, i've never been there) the most romantic place on earth.

I believe that what he actually said was "It's a good thing he (my daughter's bf) does not work here anymore, or I'd be giving him tons of crap for NOT proposing to her while they were there."

And then he told me that he'd already talked to my child about this and she said that her bf told her that he chose NOT to do it while they were there because it would be, in his words, the expected thing.

Now, whether my oldest child and her SO choose to get married or not ... imo, does not matter. What does matter and what has been bouncing around inside my brain is the issue of why it was an expected moment on this vacation.

You might remember that when they went to Las Vegas not too long ago, she texted me - telling me that they'd gotten married at an all night chapel. As a joke. And I promptly burst into tears. And no, I didn't laugh out loud. At least, not until much later. *sigh* much fail on my part that time.

What I'm not sure about is whether I'm more bothered by the omg!theymustgetmarriedthey'resoinlove flailing that follows all young lovers or that this entire thought pattern has been brought to me by the man that I dated for more years than I was married and proposed to me not *once* but TWICE, with ring and pure sentiment that I bought hand over fist and yet ... never carried through on. Despite my wanting to go look at houses together (since neither of our homes were large enough for all of our - my three and his two - kids to live happily inside of), my talk of setting a date and the repeated happenings of and oh, so repeated marriages of friends of ours. All around us.

But it gnaws.

It chews.

It bothers me in a way that I can't, obviously, fully express in words that make any sense at all.

Because in my mind ~ my oldest child and her SO are already in a very committed, loving and stable relationship and have been for many years. Whether they decide to someday take the actual step and get married in a church or by a judge or on a ship officiated by a Captain ... does not matter to me.

They both come from broken homes, from divorced parents, learning very well how not to communicate from four adults that failed them in that regard, so very spectacularly. They have an extremely tall mountain to climb all on their own.

I would not blame either one of them if they chose, if they choose to not *marry* in the traditional sense. After all, what is marriage in the world today? Something that is denied to people that want it because of their sexual orientation and something that really, at least for heterosexual couples in the eyes of insurance companies and legal matters after a certain amount of time spent living/cohabitating/sharing together ... already a done deal without any papers being signed at all.

I am more, no - I am exceptionally proud of the fact that they have chosen to not have children together until he has a good job, enough to support them while she takes care of the baby(ies). That they are working together, right now, to get him through a University education (she's already graduated with degree in hand).

That they are enjoying being who they are right *now*.

Traveling. Working. Playing. Loving.

Living.

And they are doing it together. Successfully.

And there is NOTHING wrong with that, nothing that needs to be fixed by marriage.

Nothing at all.

;)
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