Two old men in my last two shifts at the store.
one ~ Thursday ~ I'd noticed him earlier, as the store was mostly empty and I was bagging bread. A task that doesn't take more than a tenth of my brain, so I tend to look up and watch people. Anyhow, he and his wife go to the donut case, pick out a few goodies, then head on through the store.
Five minutes later! He comes storming back from the registers up front, shaking his cellophane donut bag at me. By this time, I'm running bread through the slicer and I can't hear a word he's saying. So I turn it off, walk around to where he's standing and he's all !!!!
'There is a HOLE in my donut bag!'
and seriously, he's shaking the bag at me. He stops, holds it and shows me the hole. Mmmmm, okay.
'Sorry about that, can I get you a different bag?'
'I already PAID for my donuts and I dropped one! It fell out of the HOLE in this bag!!!'
Oh. Fuck. Me.
'Sir, Customer service will gladly refund your money and you can pick out another donut.'
'No! I don't want another donut.'
Jesus Keeerist. Okay. Yeah. I personally took a razor and sliced through the bottom of every donut bag. Just so that you would drop your precious donut on the ground. After paying for it. Because I can time it just like that. I am that good.
And today ...
Cranktastic old man comes in for donuts. Different man, same evil, nasty look in his watery, faded eyes. I'm decorating cakes, one of my bakery bois is bagging bread. We're joking, laughing, doing our jobs.
'It would sure be nice to have a fresh box of tissues out here so that we don't have to reach into the donut case with our bare fingers.' and this was said with ALL the sarcasm that you're reading here.
Okay, fuckwad. Like I've got a surgically implanted buzzer in my skull that lets me know when the tissue box is empty at the donut case? I'm so sorry, it must be malfunctioning.
'I'll get another one, sir. I've got some right here.'
And I did, literally. Had a full, already opened box of tissues in my hand and out in the tissue slot in front of the donut case in less than ten seconds.
Of course, not even two minutes later ~
'Bakery call customer service. Bakery call customer service.'
'This is the bakery, what do you need?'
'I've got a customer up here that wants you to know that you're out of tissue for the donut case.'
You know? There is a big, big difference between aging and growing OLD. And I never want to get old. Ever.